Opposite ends of Spectrum
by Sonya-Heather-DeVito
Summary: Sirius didn't know what was worse - Reggie dying, or Sirius losing a part of his sanity along with him.


**_A/N: This story has been written for the International Wizarding School Championship. I do not own Harry Potter; it solely belongs to J.K. Rowling!_**

_**School: Ilvermorny**_

_**Year: 5**_

_**Prompt: 1. [Character] Sirius Black – Main Prompt**_

_** 2\. [Genre] Tragedy**_

_**Word Count: 1564**_

_**Theme: Draught of Living Death**_

* * *

The thick grey clouds covered the whole sky in its entirety, while thunder rumbled monstrously, creating the entire scene even more horrific. Sirius looked at his '_family_' from far away; neither was he bothered by the thick raindrops drenching him right to the bones, nor did he care about going and comforting his crying mother.

He blamed her for the situation they were all facing today. Had she been a patient and loving mother to them, Sirius wouldn't have been standing and witnessing his family, mourning for the loss of their son. Had she been a caring mother and showed them even an inkling of affection, Regulus_ wouldn't_ have been dead.

It may have been her fault, but Sirius was equally at fault because he knew, that him leaving the house, served as the catalyst in his brother's untimely death.

Warm hand engulfed his freezing ones, making him break his gaze from his mother's crying form, and to that of Lily's concerned expression. Seeing her shivering because of the biting cold weather, he immediately felt guilty. As much as he'd wanted to be left alone, he couldn't help but feel grateful towards her. Had she not been here, Sirius knew, he would have spiralled into the unending depths of darkness, with no way out.

He quickly pulled out his wand and cast a strong drying spell on her, not wanting her to catch a cold. Lily allowed herself to smile a little at his gesture, and tightened her hold on his hand.

"Are you okay?" she asked, though was probably aware of the answer she was going to receive.

"Should I be?" Sirius counter-questioned, his mind blank of all the emotions; he felt entirely numb.

"It is not your fault, Sirius! It never was your fault," Lily punctuated every word that she said. He looked at her with millions of questions swirling in his deep grey eyes, wanting to know if she was telling the truth, but he couldn't voice them. He felt that his voice would betray him, and he would end up nothing, but a crying and sobbing mess. Lily, on the other hand, didn't know what to do.

She had never seen him so lost and scared; not even at the times when either James, or herself, or Moony went out for solo Order missions. She had always seen him happy, and practically empowering others, with his positive attitude and energy. The man standing in front of her wasn't the Sirius she had known for the past eight years, he was merely a shell of the bright boy, and Lily was afraid that they all might lose him forever.

She couldn't let that happen. There was already so much at stake, with the bloody and raging war, she _couldn't_ let Sirius of all people, to lose hope. Thus, in a hopeful attempt to distract his too occupied mind, she changed the conversation.

She tugged his hand to get his attention, "Tell me something about Regulus."

Regulus. He hadn't spoken the word since he got the traumatising news of his death. He hadn't because somewhere in his own mind, Sirius was hoping that this all be a horrid nightmare; somewhere in his own mind, he was begging, to anyone, to wake him up from the deep slumber. He was hoping that when he would wake up, Reggie would be all right, giving Sirius a chance to apologise and redeem for his mistakes. He knew, however, that he was wrong, and that his little brother was gone.

With a deep sigh, he turned around to leave, when his eyes clashed with that of Narcissa's hard stare. She'd always been close to the younger brother, and it was pretty obvious, she wouldn't even want to see Sirius' face at the moment. She turned her face, the other side, in a rather dramatic way and Sirius was filled with _regret._

He followed Lily's lead, away from No 12 Grimmauld Place, and towards the lonesome bench in a nearby park. He took his time and tried to control the overwhelming emotions raging inside of him, whilst Lily waited, quietly and patiently.

"He was always very different from me, so very. I'd always been the rebellious child that never listened to what my parents asked of me. Regulus, however, was a way better son than me, as I was constantly reminded by dearest mother," Sirius spoke in a firm tone, memories flooding his mind and heart. Lily listened to every word with rapt attention; she was amazed by the genuine love and care, she could sense in Sirius' eyes, for his brother. He'd always been very closed off when the topic of his family came forth, but right now, she could see, that there was a side to Sirius that had been hidden very cleverly, from all of them. Not even James and Moony would have been aware of these things, she was sure.

"Regulus wasn't someone, I would call, a regular guy. Though he was younger than me, he was far more mature and sensitive," Sirius continued with a small smile on his face, "He was so compassionate and hard-working, may have been closed off to the others but in reality, always talked so much, that he would wear my ears off," Sirius chuckled lightly and stared at his hands. He was grateful for the raindrops covering his tears.

"He loved painting, you know. Would spend hours holed up in his room and creating the perfect sketch. On the day I received my Hogwarts letter, he even gave me one as a gift. It was a painting of him and me. It was also the last gift I ever got from him, you know, because of my _shocking_ sorting."

"As I said earlier, however, he was always different from me. We were like two opposite ends of the same spectrum."

"How so?" Lily asked. He looked at her with a bittersweet smile.

"He always fascinated by the Dark Arts. It shouldn't have been a surprise, after all, he was born in the most lunatic family in the universe. The thing that troubled me, though, was the fact that he admired Lord Voldemort and had the ambition to become a Death Eater later in his life. Even mother and father approved of the death path he chose to walk upon; they just wanted to gain back the reputation they'd lost after my departure from the home. Guess he fulfilled his dreams after all," Sirius spoke with a deep sigh, his head bowed in anger and regret. Lily was in deep thought. From what she was hearing and what she'd observed at her years at Hogwarts, it felt that Sirius had some misunderstandings about his brother. She'd never seen Regulus bully or torment anyone. On the other hand, she'd unexpectedly witnessed him, helping younger ones from other houses very often.

"Do you think that Regulus was killed by 'him'?" Lily asked; the 'him' in her question was quite obvious.

"Naah! I don't reckon, Reggie would have been that important to him. I'm sure he would have simply ordered one of his minions to do his bidding," he spoke in a thick voice, the tears he'd been trying to hide, finally escaping his stormy-grey eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Sirius," Lily immediately came to his rescue as she hugged him tightly while rubbing soothing circles on his back. It took some time for him, to finally be able to compose himself. Merlin, it hurt so much - much more than he'd actually anticipated. It felt that there was a void in his chest that would forever remain hollow.

"It was his fault. Grandmother Melania always reminded us that the dark arts were like the Draught of Living Death. Just as the drinker loses his consciousness and part of himself if he takes the poisonous drink, the same thing happens with dark magic. Dark magic is mainly fueled by sacrifice, so the more you perform any of the dark rituals, the more you need to give for empowering the spell," Sirius spoke, remembering his wise grandmother's words.

"It was one of the main reasons that I never wanted to become a dark wizard. I had seen many of the family members losing their sanity at the cost of their magic. I was scared. Regulus wasn't."

"He thought that I didn't know about his fascination towards dark magic. He thought that I hadn't seen the photos and articles about the Dark Lord and his followers cut from The Daily Prophet, and that hung in his bedroom near a painting of his family crest. I knew about it all, but I kept my mouth shut."

"He _forgot_ what grandmother Melania said and made the same mistake. It is my fault too."

"No, Sirius, it is not," Lily insisted. Her own tears were on the verge of falling.

"It is because I too forgot what she advised me. She told me that I was Regulus' Wiggenweld Potion, and that I was his only chance to rescue himself from the Black Madness. And see, what did I do? I ran away, leaving him behind with the vultures." This time he broke down completely, face buried deep into her shoulders, trying to seek comfort in his friend's embrace. He hoped that one day he'll avenge his brother's death. Until then, Sirius could only plead for Regulus' forgiveness.


End file.
